I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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