my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
a search helicopter?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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