I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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