i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
