I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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