Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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