walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
