sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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