you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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