and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
