i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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