I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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