Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
