Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
