the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
