If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
