he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
