I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
