Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
