This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
