i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
