Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
