They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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