He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize