if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
