Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
