He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
