I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
