I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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