my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
