im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
