allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
