Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
