my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
