oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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