I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
