Cold hands, warm shart.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
