make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
a search helicopter?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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