Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
