I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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