Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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