He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
