Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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