I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
