you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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