My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
