Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
