We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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