you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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