omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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