do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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