I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
