I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
