I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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