She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
