That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
