I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
