Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
