is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
