my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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