i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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