I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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