I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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