Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
