She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
