last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
