you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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