Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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