i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
